Don’t Be A Jerk on the Plane

I’ve discussed before the 10 Things You Should Never Do On A Plane and hinted that being rude to crew is a BAD idea.  Let’s expand on that for a minute and talk more about how being a jerk on the plane is a no-go.

Whether you’re traveling on a plane, on a bus, or on a ship, ANY shared transportation commands certain levels of etiquette.  Getting upset, screaming, or freaking out are not considered appropriate responses to frustrating circumstances.  Now, I’m sure you’re sitting there thinking “yeah yeah, I know that already,” and perhaps you do.  The problem is, that many people still don’t understand this concept.

There are other things besides ranting and raving that will earn you the “jerk” label:

Jerk on the Plane Sin #1 – Invading my Bubble

If you’re cool baller enough to book a seat up in First, congratulations, you’re better than the rest of us.  Either that, or your company is paying for you to be there.  The remainder of humanity has to crowd into a place called coach.  I’m cool if we bump elbows every so often, but when you suddenly take up home on my shoulder on a trans-Atlantic flight without being invited, I’m gonna be upset.  Make yourself small, and stay that way.

Last August I was flying from Sacramento to Daytona Beach by way of Minneapolis and Atlanta.  As my 12:30am flight to Minneapolis left the gate and headed to the runway, the gal next to me informed me that she was deathly afraid of flying.  I tried to calm her fears, explained that we were safe, and did the other things frequent flyers do to calm nervous passengers.  Knowing I had a long travel day ahead of me and thinking nothing more, I dozed off for a bit, .  Two hours later, I woke up and this lady had buried her head in my shoulder and wrapped her arm so tightly around mine that I could no longer feel my hand.  It was just creepy.  I felt violated.  If you must make a pillow out of my shoulder, at least ask.


Jerk on the Plane Sin #2 – Hogging Overhead Space

With baggage fees the new “norm,” everybody is trying to save money by carrying their luggage onto the plane.  Most airlines provide for one carry-on bag and one personal item.  Folks, “personal item” does not mean another bag entirely.  It means a small, personal bag, back-pack, purse, or other item that is small and can be stowed under the seat in front of you.  As for your bag, put the wheels to the back, handle to the aisle.  If you followed the size guidelines, it will fit just fine without you having to put the bag in sideways.  Seriously this isn’t rocket science.  Your back is not some untouchable object either.  If you put your stuff in the bin the wrong way and I need to use said bin, I’m going to move it.  Oh yeah, and that garment bag?  It can sit in that magic space on top of other people’s bags!  Wait to put in in the darn bin!  Space in these little cupboards above the sky is at a premium.  SHARE IT!

Jerk on the Plane Sin #3 – General Watch Society Die Behavior

Some people just like to watch the world burn.  They are so miserable, they’ll go down and try to take others with them.  Guess what, disgruntled excuse of a human, you’re not gonna take me down!  You may succeed in pissing off every passanger from first to coach, but trust me, we’re not joining your cause.  That stare I’m giving you?  It means knock off whatever nonsense you’re doing, shut up, sit back and play nice.  Here’s another hint buster, if you’re in an enclosed tube hurtling through the sky at 400 MPH with 300 other people, you may want to reconsider your actions.  Ultimately, think ahead.  If your actions will negatively impact someone else, DON’T DO IT!  We’re all judging you!

Now, would you mind finding everyone on my flight next week to SLC and sharing this video with them?  Thanks.



Christopher is a bonafide pizza snob, and loves spontaneous adventures to wherever the skies deem fit.

You may also like...