Reflections from “Tales from the Office” #2: The Crackometer

Picture by Jeff Sheldon | Unsplash

If you’re just joining us, this week is my last week at the Elk Grove Charter School and I’m doing a special #TalesFromTheOffice series to highlight some of my favorite memories.  Today’s edition?  “The Crackometer”

Students Act Stupid

If I’ve learned one thing in my eight years of working in Education, it’s that despite our best efforts, students can and do choose to be stupid on a regular basis.  For whatever reason, it is inherently difficult for them to follow a standard set of rules and guidelines.  School rules exist not only to help maintain the academic integrity of the learning environment but also to help coach these young people.  Yet even now as I write this, there is a student sitting nearby who failed to follow the rules in their math class.  Go figure

Dress Code

Yep, we’re going there.  Dress Codes are one of those rules that very specifically address preserving the learning environment.  Clothing choice greatly affects our ability to focus and helps craft our mindset.  Trust me, drug themes, gang signs, half naked people, and revealing clothing certainly affect a young teen’s ability to focus.  Based on that research, we craft our dress guidelines to help prevent these distractions.  Now, I’m not trying to turn this into a gender-focused conversation by any means.  I’ve been pulled into that battle by parents more times than Nixon, Clinton and Obama have lied.  Rather I want to point out one commonality between the genders that inhibits learning….. the buttcrack.

EGCS Dress Code

EGCS Dress Code

Say No To Crack

Buttcracks.  Everyone has one.  Unless you’re my significant other, on a beach, or my newborn child, I don’t wanna see ’em.   They certainly don’t belong in the school setting unless you’re studying human anatomy in health class.  Yet, the fashion styles of today lend themselves to permitting the crack.  Between the boy’s style of sagging pants, and the girls style of low-riding jeans with thongs, I’ve seen my fair share.  It’s time to say no.

Enter the Crackometer

Mr. S and Ms. J were two teachers who sat near the testing area at our old site and were constantly bombarded with unsolicited crack when students sat down to take tests.  Developed by these two staff members, the crackometer exists to measure the offending degree of crack that the perpetrator is showing. Crackometer?  What on earth?  Trust me, it’s a real thing.

Once the visible crack has reached a certain length, the issue was addressed and the student was asked to pull up their pants.  If the pants can’t keep themselves up, zip ties are provided, probation officer style, to tie a couple of belt loops together.  If a shirt couldn’t help cover the offending individuals midsection, we had some nice bowling and mechanic shirts to assist.

While the crackometer was retired at the end of the 2011-2012 school year with the departure of one of the teachers, its legacy lives on in the hearts and minds of educators everywhere who are bombarded by unsolicited buttcrack.

Parents, please teach your kids to dress appropriately.

#TalesFromTheOffice Recap Series



Christopher is a bonafide pizza snob, and loves spontaneous adventures to wherever the skies deem fit.

You may also like...

1 Response

  1. March 11, 2017

    […] Tuesday – The Crackometer […]